September 19, 2012 - Anniversary

One year since my biopsy.

September 16, 2012: Living and supporting the Terry Fox legacy of courage...

Living and supporting the Terry Fox legacy of courage...September 16, 2012

It is mid September with unseasonably warm weather and a welcomed dry spell that has lasted most of August and is forecasted to last the rest of the month!  Mid September is also what I would call Terry Fox season as the main run is scheduled at this time in Canada (and I believe many other places in the world) and school organized runs are scheduled later in the month.  It is truly amazing that one person along with his amazing support team of family and friends have been able to reach into my life and that of so many others in the world in a way that we mark our calendars every year to join in a positive and active way to support the fight against cancer.

I have participated in the Terry Fox run since approximately 1985 when I was first introduced to it by a university and work friend named Dana.  Initially it was a cool thing to do that kept me active.  I have participated in runs at various locations in the Lower Mainland including the home town run in Port Coquitlam, but I now enjoy the yearly run in our community of Port Moody.  The day, for me, has morphed from a chance to be cool and going for a run to taking the opportunity to get my family out for a run/walk, to enjoying the sense of community to now really feeling connected in an intrinsic way to the purpose and meaning behind the cause.  With the road that Mom and I have been on this past year along with my family, friends, neighbors and colleagues, the thoughts and words of courage, determination and hope from Terry Fox now echo in my mind, body and soul.  As I type this entry, I realize that Terry Fox's annual run falls very close to the anniversary of my biopsy and confirmed diagnosis (September 19th and September 26th respectively).  It warms me to know that I have a closer connection to Terry whom I, and so many others, see as a hero from unassuming roots.  I can completely relate to what I think he must have felt bursting through his chest in terms of wanting desperately to make sense of his cancer and wanting make a difference for others even if it was too late for himself.  I can also fully relate to wanting to make a difference as just an ordinary person.  We are all capable of so much, and just need to find ways to tap into our desires and passions.  My wish is that this passion does not always need to come from such painful experiences.

On this gorgeous September morning with the run starting at Rocky Point this year, I have a renewed sense of the purpose for the run, a renewed sense of courage, hope and the love that we should share with each other every day no matter what the circumstances.  During one of our poignant moments on this road (vividly it was the day Todd had to cut all my hair off as it was falling out quicker than my bob cut could keep up with), I reminded Todd that the way he was treating me with such love and kindness was the manner in which we should always treat each other.  I reminded him and myself of this on during this run as I wore the survivor t-shirt that Victoria kindly offered to me and as I looked around at all the people around us supporting the run for hope and supporting their own stories and loved ones.  We always need to be cognizant that we all have our stories, we do not know the difficulties that someone may be going through and cancer is just sometimes more visible than other difficulties.  If we all just take the time to be kind to ourselves and to others, our ability to support, better tolerate, be kind and to love each will be more effortless and turn into so much good.

As there has been so much that has been serendipitous this year, so was my experience during this year's Terry Fox run.  The first was the reminder of how we should treat each other with love and kindness.  The second happened while I was walking with Todd near the beginning of the walk as we were in a pleasant forested part of the route with the sun shining through the trees.  Behind Todd and I, I overheard a mother speaking to her young son about the meaning behind the annual walk/run.   I caught snip-its as they related the event to other similar activities and other people in their lives.  I mainly took notice as the mother was describing meaning behind the colour of the t-shirt I was wearing (red was the colour of the survivor’s t-shirts this year).  As she described the meaning, she relayed that there were others in their family that were surviving cancer as well.  The son seemed to genuinely ask what it might be like for me be to a survivor.  The mother paused and gently suggested that perhaps he may want to give me a hug as a way to show his appreciation and caring.  The boy never did reach out to me and nor I did not turn back during this conversation.  This was the right thing as the discussion was what was important. The interruption with words or actions would have broken what I feel was the magic behind the close moment that the mother was having with her son on that beautiful sunny Sunday morning.  With this simple discussion, my belief reinforced that we should always try to be kind, giving and loving to each other in any way we can in our day-to-day lives.

No matter how "big" the Terry Fox run is or gets, the simple message of hope and continuing on what Terry could not finish will not diminish in my mind.  While I have never met Terry or his family, in my heart I believe we are holding true to his hopes and ideals and that this and other journeys we may be on are not about the individual, but about all of us coming together to do good and to do the right thing.  Great things come from humble beginnings and humble hearts.  Terry Fox lived this and has taught us this.

Jen, it was great meeting you at the run. Todd, thank you for being by my side.

January – August 2012: We got our “Fake Boobs” on…lalalalala….

January – August 2012: We got our “Fake Boobs” on…lalalalala….

My “Chic Gathering” was a great success as 30+ of my most awesome “breast friends” celebrated the end of my chemo journey with me.  Even though the evening fell on one of the few rainy evenings this summer, my house was able to make for a cozy scene.   There were so many more that were not able to make it due to holidays, conflicts and distance.  If they had all attended, I am not sure where we would have fit everyone as the original plan was to have the event in our back yard.

True to the generous nature of women, there was so much food, spirits and deserts that I had to have a dinner with some friends the next night to make a dent in the mountain of mouth savoring goodies that everyone brought (I had to share more after that to make sure nothing went to waste!).  I am truly blessed!:

THANK YOU!!! 

To add to the celebration, Dana brought some sugar cookies in the shape of boobs – she was “kind enough” to break one in two and gave half to me and half to my Mom based on our “missing halves” :o)

Speaking of boobs, this is part of the journey for my Mom and I that I have not spent to much time “expanding” upon.

You all know the sordid tale of my post surgery skin infection and the decision process I went through to either keep or remove the tissue expander that was inserted at the time of surgery. The result was that I kept the expander in and all has gone well through the rest of the chemo treatments.  During this time I could not keep “dangling” on my right side while we waited for the final reconstruction on the left side.  There are many relatively decent prosthetic (“fake boob”) options these days that are not too bad given the situation.  The Cancer Agency offers free prosthetics if you need assistance, however, if you have appropriate coverage or are able financially, there are many outlets that sell interesting new options.  After learning a little bit about what a prosthesis and appropriate bra might entail, I found what seemed to be a good place for such products in the phone book.  The place I found was near Metrotown and the people there were very knowledgeable, helpful and sympathetic.  The options are varied in terms of size, weight, materials, etc.  The experience is pretty interesting when you have to think about how such a product is engineered to simulate the size and weight of your natural breast so that you don’t look or feel lopsided.  Sizing is also important if you are considering tissue expansion before a full reconstruction is possible.  For me, I am a reconstruction candidate where my Mom has opted out and therefore our needs and preferences were different.  In the end we both came away with various prosthetic products that suited day-to-day needs vs “looking our best” needs vs minimizing the issues with being lopsided.  Boy what an education we both have had with respect to managing “fake boobs”.  Good thing there are options out there for us!

I thought the parody below on the lyrics of the song “New Shoes” by Paolo Nutini might add some color and humor to the “fake boob” experience.  The song is pretty upbeat and the parody is meant to be so too....enjoy...

Official Lyrics	“Updated” Lyrics
Woke up cold one Tuesday	Woke up cold one Thursday
I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick	I’m looking tired and just coming to
I felt like there was something missing in my day to day life	I felt like there was “something” missing in my day to day life
So I quickly opened the wardrobe	So I quickly took off my patient gown
Pulled out some jeans and a t-shirt that seemed clean	Pulled out some jeans and a t-shirt that seemed clean
Topped it off with a pair of old shoes	Topped it off with my old bra
That were ripped around the seams	That drooped around the left seam
And I thought these shoes just don't suit me	And I thought this bra just doesn’t suit me
[Chorus] Hey, I put some new shoes on	Hey I put my “fake boob” on
And suddenly everything is right	And suddenly everything is right
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on, and everybody's smiling	I said, hey I put my “fake boob” on and everybody’s smiling
It's so inviting	It’s so interesting
Oh, short on money	Oh, short on normal life
But long on time	But long on time :o)
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine	Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine
And I'm running late	And I’m running late
And I don't need an excuse	And I don’t need an excuse
'Cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes	‘Cause I’m wearing my new “fake boob”
Woke up late one Thursday	My Mom woke up late one Friday
And I'm seeing stars as I'm rubbing my eyes	And I’m seeing stars as I’m rubbing my eyes
And I felt like there were two days missing	And I felt like this situation was just unreal
As I focused all the time	As I focused all the time
And I made my way to the kitchen	And we made our way out of this mess
But I had to stop from the shock of what I found	But I had to stop from the shock of what I found
A room full of all my friends dancing round and round	A world full of all my friends dancing round and round:o)
And I thought, "hello, new shoes	And I thought, “hello, “fake boob”
Bye bye them blues."	Bye bye them blues

[Chorus] Take me wandering through these streets Where bright lights and angels meet Stone to stone they take me on I'm walking to the break of dawn I'm walking to the break of dawn	[Chorus – hey we got our fake boobs on....”] Take me floundering through this road Where second chances and angels meet Stone to stone it takes me on I’m walking to the break of dawn I CAN walk to the break of dawn
[Chorus: x2] Take me wandering through these streets ...	[Chorus – hey we got our fake boobs on....”] Take me wandering on this road..

Hope you enjoyed this musical interlude:o)

Now that chemo is over, I was able to schedule “expansion” appointments with my plastic surgeon and time everything up with upcoming radiation.  After some deliberation and with the goal of an overall “C” cup in mind, we estimated that I would need four “expansions” to get to my desired cup size.  This helped confirm that radiation would start at the end of August or the beginning of September.  As I would also need to be “sized” up via a CT scan and prepared with tattooed dots to indicate where I should be radiated, it became clear that the beginning of September would be best (which also allowed us to take our annual vacation to Vancouver Island to get away from this mess for at least one week).

So expansion started just like the teenage girl chant goes – “I must, I must, I must increase my bust”.  The chant has a whole new for meaning now!  This is exactly what I did. I increased my bust (at least on the left side).  For now, I am the proud owner of “C” cup on my left side and a “D” cup on my right until next April or May.  Reconstruction can’t be booked until at least six months after radiation to allow the skin on the affected area to properly heal in preparation for surgery.  While I would have preferred to get the whole thing over with one go and one leave of absence, it does seem prudent to allow my body to heal before it gets invaded again with another surgery.

After just three separate injections (spread across three weeks – one injection per week) from an unbelievably large needle, I was at what both the plastic surgeon and I thought was the desired C-cup size (this also accounted for some potential constriction of the skin due to radiation) -- I think I am good to go.  I never liked being a D-cup after having babies anyway.  A C-cup will also be much more posture and fitness friendly for me.  Given that age, skin elasticity and gravity will just increase a “drooping” effect, going smaller and perkier seems like a nice choice given that I have to choose.  Who knows, maybe I will have a “hard body” and run a ½ marathon in my old age without the extra weight in the “front end”:o)

Now that I have a party in my head most days post the crazy chemo trip, all this is much easier to take.  I am not even dreading radiation yet.  I am looking forward to a great summer, bright days, rejoining my colleagues at TELUS in the probably the November timeframe and enjoying my new lease on living.

Here’s to fake boobs and choosing the size you want to be....

July 18, 2012 End of Round #8…the End (…of Chemo)… and the Winner is…!!!

July 18, 2012 End of Round #8…the End (…of Chemo)… and the Winner is…!!!

Carmela, Cancer Babe - again the ABSOLUTE winner of round #8 AND the Match!!!

Running score:

Carmela Cancer Babe – 7 Rounds

Chemo demons and its friends – 1 Round

Yet another mostly uneventful, unremarkable and normal round:o)

Summer finally came after Canada Day/the July long weekend.  Coincidentally, my “Dr. Banner” mode started pretty much the same day that our summer weather started.  Like clockwork, I again felt the various shades of shittyness, achiness, etc for about the first week after the last chemo treatment, with some residual shittyness in the second week and then I felt quite normal in the last week – but this time I was NOT going to get “hit” again.  The every three week roller coaster ride is over!  Although I was not at “my peak” during the long weekend, I was able to spend time with Laurie (who was in town) and Paul – of course I started feeling better after long weekend after Laurie was scheduled to go back home.  I will just have to make it up to Laurie and Paul as soon as I get into my new normal!

After my routine blood work that seemed to come out normal (ie white blood cell count and hemoglomen, etc were within normal ranges) I met with the covering oncologist Dr. S as Dr. O was on vacation.  The anti-climax continued with this visit.  The doctor did not seem to have read my chart and when I indicated I had a list of questions for him based on how I had been feeling this last round and that I was moving onto expansion, radiation, Herceptin-only treatments and hormone therapy, he seemed rush through this and in the end suggested I schedule another appointment with Dr. O to go any of my questions and concerns.  Considering I just finished 8 rounds of intense chemo (a big milestone from my perspective) and that the system is already really strapped, what a waste of time and emotional fart this appointment ended up being. 

What I was able to get from him was reading information about the Tamoxifen (hormone therapy) that I am expected to be on for the next 5 years and that there is no major harm in moving my August 30^th Herceptin treatment out by a few days to a week so that our family can go on our annual Long Beach trip to the Island (this is one of mine and my family’s favorite places to go -- I have been going there almost every year since 1985 when Laurie originally introduced me to this magical, fun and spiritual place.  There is so much to say about this place and all the experiences I have had there with Laurie, friends, Todd and now may family.  I am sure I will weave some the experiences and emotions in various posts as I go.).  As you can imagine I am over the moon that the schedule between some of the next steps has left this one week window open so that we can regroup as family and start some of the healing process with something and somewhere we all love.

The chemo ride is over.  As everything was moving in an anti-climactic way, I was resigning myself to keep things low key.  But it hit me that I wanted to celebrate is some fashion.  The more I thought about it, I considered what would be an appropriate and easy thing to do that would just bring people together even for just a hug and a thank you.  So I chose to bring together all my Chic Breast Friends to my house for an after dinner get together on an evening where the boys had their things going on and the timing coincided with this end.  This is what I have ended up with as was sent to my network of amazing women – including my Mom so that we can celebrate her recovery as well:

“So the chemo challenge is finally over and I am still here:o)  There is still more to come, but this monster is over and worth acknowledging!

There are too many thank you’s I owe to so many awesome family members, friends, neighbors and colleagues, so I thought we could celebrate this milestone, the beginning of real summer weather and the end of school with my Chic “Breast Friends” (you know I could not go too long without planning something:o))

This will NOT be fancy, but a chance to get together and be in the company of some most amazing women!

Who: Chic Breast Friends

Date: Friday, July 20^th

Time: 7:00pm onwards

Where: My back yard
What to bring:

·         BYOB (Alcoholic or Non – I will help with some non-Alcoholic stuff)

·         BYOC (Bring your own chair)

·         Appies/Desert if you want (I will help with the fruit and vegetable side of things)

Please invite others that I may have missed and friends who have or are going through this crazy Breast Cancer journey.

For those of you that cannot come, please accept this invite and message as a huge thank you for your support so far!

Here’s to the company of women and looking forward to what IS possible!

My Best,

Carmela – Surviving Cancer Babe

PS: Please give my gratitude to all the awesome men and boys in the crowd that have been there for me too.  We’ll catch them on the next event (hopefully later this summer)”

I will try to remain to true to getting “the guys” in on celebrating sometime this summer or perhaps at our annual Christmas party – I will have to see which way the wind sways me:o)

Now I am focusing on the what my “new normal” will be in terms of how my body really recovers from chemo, food and exercising somewhat normally again (and yes, I have some rehab to do—good thing I have gone down this journey before with my sister and should be able to get to a good state of physical health in the coming weeks and months).  I am setting my sights on running, biking, kayaking and swimming again along with all the other therapeutic forms of activity like Yoga, Pilates, Meditation and Tai Chi.  The rehab will include all this as well as trips to Physio, Massage therapy and Acupuncture. Who knows, you might see me in a half marathon at some point—keep watching and you never know!

As last time, the upcoming events will still pose a bumper boat ride, but it can only get better after this stuff!   

I will continue to keep you up to date, but the regular three week routine will fade to posts that give important updates and other musings that may stretch my self-imagined writing need.

Thanks for staying with me and keeping my strength and spirits up.

So until the next post:

Chemo demons and your friends you can kiss my arse AND eat my grits … FOREVER!

Onto the other stuff and the beginning of “normal life”….

PS: Appropriate to a WXN (Women’s Executive Network) Breakfast that I was generously invited to on July 17^th, 2012 by Deb at TELUS where the speaker was Yael Cohen of FCancer: (see www.letsfcancer.com/ for more)--- I agree….

FUCK CANCER!!!

June 28, 2012 Beginning of Round #8…the FINAL ROUND!!!

June 28, 2012 Beginning of Round #8…the FINAL ROUND!!!

So this is it, my last round of Chemo!  It is now here and it seems very exciting and surreal at the same time.

This morning I was greeted by a new nurse whose names is Shelley.  We went through the normal how-do-you-do and how-have-you-been-doing formalities.  At first Shelley seemed distant and aloof, but as we got into it, she really warmed up and was very knowledgeable.  She seemed to really listen to the good and the bad that I felt from the last treatment and gave some good insight on what to expect after this last round of chemo.  As I started describing my concerns about the discomfort I have been feeling with my upper arm and armpit and as we discussed options and next steps, I was surprised with how emotional I started to feel.  It started with Shelley overtly talking about how my attention will now move to managing the next stage of treatment for my left breast and that my mind will move toward getting back to a normal life.  Although I have been ruminating on these topics for some time with additional attention over the last few weeks as I have been meeting with my medical oncologist, radiation oncologist and plastic surgeon, actually going through the thought process live at my final chemo treatment made the topic that much more poignant. 

As we talked, Shelley suggested that I would be a good candidate to advocate for Breast Cancer and potentially participate in the Cancer Buddy program.  This reinforced my already maturing passion around these topics and helped to calm my emotions through rational and grounding thoughts of how I might contribute/give back to others that have or will be going through their Breast Cancer journeys.

One bit of happy news from Shelley was that hair tends start growing back within about 6 six from the last chemo treatment – this really lifted my spirits.  Although getting back a full head of hair will take some months, at least the beginning of my mane will start soon.  Todd is already getting ready to compete on who’s hair will grow back quicker once mine starts to really show signs of consistent growth – care to lay a bet?:o)

After 5 hours in the chemo chair and only a little reaction to the pre-medication (steroids and Benedryl), my last session was over. There were no cheers, hoorays or pat on the back.  I was just free to go.  I gave a quick hug to Shelley and was on my way.  While I initially felt this was anti-climatic, I quickly appreciated the power of the subtle release that I felt as I left the Cancer centre.  I noted that there were other women there as I left that were at various staged of treatment (you generally get to know who has what and what chemo stage they are in based on discussions or the length of their hair – or lack thereof).  Today there seemed to be a few that were in the middle or near the end of their journey while one lady in particular was getting her first treatment and orientation – she was well rested, looked nervous and had a beautiful head of hair (for now of course):o)  Although I will need to come to the chemo room for another 13 treatments of Herceptin, the experience will be much different.  I will only need to be “in the chair” for about hour each time and there are no significant side effects that I will need to worry about (other than having my heart checked every three months via a MUGA scan:

The MUGA scan (MUltiple Gated Acquisition scan) is an extremely useful noninvasive tool for assessing the function of the heart. The MUGA scan produces a moving image of the beating heart, and from this image several important features can be determined about the health of the cardiac ventricles (the heart’s major pumping chambers)).

Playing out the Next Steps:

Based on the discussions with my oncologists and plastic surgeon these are what seem to be the next steps after Chemo – wow!!:

1.     June 28 – July 18 (3 weeks): Recovery from last chemo treatment

2.     July 19, 2012 – April 2013 (13 treatments every three weeks): Herceptin injections to save my life.  Without this antibody, the chances of a recurrence for me would be pretty high.  With Herceptin, my chances are back to an even playing field based on the chemo, radiation  and hormone therapy regime that has been assigned for my cancer.

3.     July 2012 – July 2018 (5 years): Hormone therapy – my cancer is Estrogen and Progesterone positive, so I will benefit from Hormone therapy which will positively contribute to reducing my chances of recurrence and morality.

4.     July 23 – August 17 (4 weeks): Tissue expansion

5.     August 13: Hair might start growing back:o)

6.     August 20 -  24: Preparation for radiation – CT scan, etc

7.     September 4 – October 12 approx. (5.5 weeks): Radiation daily expect weekends and holidays

8.     TBD: Recovery from Radiation

9.     TBD: Return to work – perhaps starting in November based on recovery time and what is reasonable for TELUS.

10.  April 2013 (TBD) – Removal of my Power Port (might be removed post reconstructive surgery – will need to confirm

11.  April 2013 (minimum 6 Months post radiation): Final reconstructive surgery – April 2013 at the earliest in order for skin and body to recover enough to handle surgery.

My chemo journey started on January 11^th with my bumpy, bumpy infection ride starting on January 20^th, has now ended on a much more positive note as of June 28^th.  All the treatments after the first one have proceeded without any remarkable events. Of course I will need to get through the next three weeks of normal recovery time, however, I am confident that I will move through this window of time with relative ease.

What a ride it has been so far.  So until the next post, thanks for everything and there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS something to be thankful for.  I am thankful to be putting the chemo ride behind me.

My Best,

Carmela

June 27, 2012 End of Round #7 of 8…and the Winner is…

June 27, 2012 End of Round #7 of 8…and the Winner is…

Carmela, Cancer Babe - again the TOTALLY undisputed winner of round #7!!!

Running score:

Carmela Cancer Babe – 6 Rounds

Chemo demons and its friends – 1 Round

Yet another mostly uneventful, unremarkable and normal round:o)

It is a wonderful sunny morning, one of the few we have been getting this spring and early into summer.  I am into my “Dr. Banner” mode after my “Incredible Hulk” phase of my three week chemo cycle – that is, I feel various shades of shitty for about the first week after a chemo treatment, with some residual shittyness in the second week and then feel quite normal in the last week just before I get hit again.  Although this is not the most wonderful cycle to be in (see my previous post), I am generally pretty productive around the house, with my family and friends most of the time.  My brain might not always be there, but Ima still livi’n.  The great thing about this post is that I am heading into my last chemo treatment where this every three week roller coaster ride will be over!  Of course I will be entering into a bumper boat ride with upcoming events, but it can only get better after this stuff!

So until the next post:

Chemo demons and your friends you can kiss my arse AND eat my grits … AGAIN!

Onto round #8….