With a little help from my friends: building a story of love, strength and support …

With a little help from my friends: building a story of love, strength and support …

Warning: This is a long and sappy post…

I hope by now you know that I am not in this alone.  The opposite is true.  I am so surrounded by love, support and strength that I don’t always know what to do with it.  My cup overfloweth in a big way!

While long overdue, this blog post is dedicated to:

My amazing husband, kids, Mother(s), Father, sister(s), aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, colleagues and the many and various professionals supporting me (all in-laws included in the brackets).  Without everyone on my side, this road and the many varied journeys along the way would not be tolerable and would generally be insufferable.

Parents: First and foremost, I would not be managing nearly as well as I am without my family and their unconditional love.  I would say that this road is the hardest on my family with piqued sadness and fear from my Mom, Mother-in-Law and Dad.  I know that I am always in their thoughts and I wish I could take away all the pain this is causing them as it is hard for them to watch from the sidelines and not be able to help in a manner that is meaningful to them.

My Boys: Todd and my boys (Graeme and Iain) are my champs and are really making sure normal life continues (sometimes they try to hard to make things normal:o)).   There is too much to say about their love and support – I don’t always have the words to express what is required when it comes to my boys.  However, I do know that I never, in a million years, would have wanted to burden them with this turn in our road.  A mother should never have to put her children through this, however, my boys are rocks and I hope that they will see all the positives that have come our way by having to go through this together.  I had a great “car discussion” with Iain one night where I stressed it is most important that we never give up no matter how hard things seem to be.  We were not talking about cancer at the time, but I hope my boys see that I am not giving up and that they should not give up when things get tough.

My Sister Cancer Babe, communicating, writing and blogging: As I needed an outlet to communicate my progress without clogging up everyone’s email and avoiding being on the phone talking about cancer all the time, Carissa came to my rescue (with some friendly coaxing from Shirley and Kathy to connect me with Carissa).  Carissa is a sister cancer babe and TELUS colleague with a profession if communications.  She generously encouraged me and showed me how to set up a Blog to scribe my progress and my musings.  While this outlet is not for everyone in my support network, it has been therapeutic for me and has indulged my real or imagined long-standing desire to try my hand at writing in some form or another. My grade 10 English teacher, Mr. Huxtable, tried to encourage me to write as he saw something in me in this regard.  I was, of course flattered, but did as a 16 year old would.  I was lazy and averted my attention to more immediately attractive and gratifying endeavors – what they were, I cannot now recall.  Along this line, as I have embarked on this part of my road, I have realized that we have very much lost the art of writing and communicating in some meaningful detail to people that are close or meaningful to us. So if these entries have helped you keep up to date with my progress, have entertained you in any way or if I am the only viewer of this blog, it has served its purpose.  To experience a much more refined and profound blog, you may be interested in Carissa’s blogs that have chronicled her cancer journey and insightful perspectives:

http://www.wiifmcancer.blogspot.ca/

http://mybodmytemple.blogspot.ca/

My sister(s):  This includes my sister Maria and sister-in-laws Tanya and Heather.

Maria continuously supports me by gently providing me with meaningful and safe ways to stay physically strong based on her strong professional knowledge (Maria is a kinesiologist and personal trainer by profession).  This includes temporarily donating a stationary bike to me and letting me borrow Nordic walking poles.  These walking poles are absolutely great, I highly recommend them. They are becoming known for helping to recover arm mobility after breast surgery and potential issues with Lymphedema – see the following web site as one example and for further information:

http://breastcancer.about.com/od/lifeaftertreatment/ss/arm-lymphedema-exercises_8.htm

Maria has also supported my journey, and that of others suffering from cancer, through her fundraising efforts by braving the Enbridge Ride to Conquer Cancer.  Maria was one of 3011 bike riders and raised over $2700 toward the $11.2 million dollars raised at the 2012 June 16/17 ride – very nicely done Maria!

Maria’s expertise can also be viewed through her professional web site: Form, Function, Fitness:

http://www.formfunctionandfitness.com/

My sisters-in-law, Tanya (and Steve) and Heather, have been nothing but supportive even though distance separates us from across BC and across Canada to Toronto.  Their loving words, thoughts, prayers and gifts have meant a great deal to Todd and I. 

Extended Family, Friends, Neighbors and Colleagues:

I think this journey on my new road can be harder on my extended family (brothers, sister(s), cousins, aunts and uncles), friends, neighbors and colleagues as we are dealing with a lengthy timeframe with twists and turns, potential risks and some aspects that have no definable ending.  I know that cancer is generally a scary thought for most and is difficult to deal with as an outsider at the best of times.  My challenge has been that I want to be as normal a possible and have wanted to be as self sufficient as possible.  So my main message to everyone that has been so caring is to be comforted that I have not had to be overly needy so far.  Knowing that I have so many people I could go to if needed and knowing that I have everyone’s thoughts and support is the most meaningful gift anyone can give me. I can’t really believe how much love and compassion I have received from everyone – and this is enough for me.  I know some of the feelings including not knowing what you can do and that everyone I am connected to has needed their own way of dealing or not dealing with what I and my family are going through – all feelings and actions are good in my books.  As the saying goes: “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina….”.  I am in a good place and want everyone to be there with me.

As well as everyone’s love and compassion, I am thankful for those of you that have generously sent flowers, fruit baskets, meals, cards, emails, donations, invited me to neighborhood mom’s clubs/dinners/coffees, been my walking buddies, invited me to your book club, provided professional/colleague support, and on and on...  I am looking forward to finding various ways to thank everyone for your kindness up to now and as I continue to wrap up this part of my cancer journey.

My professional support team:

Well this is team is huge if I start to think about all the doctors, nurses, paramedical support, medical support team members, hospital facilities and staff, etc, etc, etc.  It continuously blows me away at how much support we get and take for granted in BC and in Canada.  As I have indicated in previous posts, the hard and soft costs for everything that I have and will continue to require would add up to more than I could afford in the short term.  We are very fortunate to live where live given all the significant need in the world today.

In general, I have to say that all the medical attention I have received has been mostly positive.  There are two services that I would like to call attention to for this post:

1.      BC Cancer Agency – support programs:  Mindfulness Meditation 

One of the services that is provided free to Cancer patients and, I believe to be excellent in initiating a path to thoughtful healing, is their Mindfulness Mediation course.  This course is provided in a safe environment, provides a venue to learn and practice mindfulness meditation as well as providing excellent take home materials that enable attendees to continue to learn and practice mindfulness meditation concepts at home.  While there are many things that can be considered on the path to healthier living, this was an excellent place to start for me.  There is still much I will explore with respect to nutrition, fitness and mindfulness options, however, I will take a path that is manageable for me – I don’t believe that getting overwhelmed with the plethora of ways to thoughtful healing is in fact healthy.  One must do what is best for oneself, not what others think is best.  If I can give any advice to anyone that cares, please be good to yourself – life is too short to do anything less. 

A NOTE:  In conjunction to this Mindfulness Mediation, I have found restorative yoga, Palates and now Tai Chi (I can tell this story to anyone who is willing to listen another time – very funny and nice way to start this activity for sure! – thanks Maria!) to be very complimentary activities.  Some of the common threads across these activities is learning how to BREATHE, meditation, and engaging in these activities in a mindfulness manner (including loving yourself and being good to yourself mentally and physically).  Good things no matter where you are in life’s journey.  I now just need to fit all this in with normal life and my desire for more active physical activities like walking/hiking, cycling, running, swimming, etc (as I become capable of these activities again).  All this will come together as it should in time.

2.      Specialized Physiotherapy:

One of my heroes in this journey whom I have not mentioned enough is Janet S. who has been providing me with specialized physiotherapy treatments specific to post breast surgery needs.  While being just a normal and caring human being with some ties to my great neighborhood, Janet’s specialized skills have been a godsend for my specific needs post surgery.  Janet has brought me from regular treatments with limited mobility in my arm post surgery and post infection (that includes the weird and wonderful lymphatic cording that some of us cancer babes get post surgery) to close to full mobility and strength with only sporadic treatments as I need them (I call these appointment “lube jobs” as Janet’s techniques help improve the lymphatic flow in arm through specialized messaging techniques – I highly recommend this type of physiotherapy treatment for anyone that has lymph nodes removed through breast surgery due to breast cancer).

I will include “With a little help from my friends” in future posts as this only touches the surface of all the great things I have received from you all so far.  In the meantime, my question to myself is: will I be as giving to others as they have been to me in the future as we are all bound to have significant turns in our roads to deal with – I am not special or unique when it comes to life’s twists and turns.  I hope that I can give the same time, strength and compassion to all those I know now and in the future especially when life gets busy again as I re-enter “normal” life in the coming months.  I know through the support I have received, there is a world full of love and compassion that we are lucky to be part of if we only take the time to appreciate it and tap into it.

For now, I am dreaming of the future and have many hopes and dreams for myself and my family with a little help from my friends…..

A few lyrics apropo to the theme of this post:

"What would you do if I sang out of tune (for those that know me well, I definitely sing out of tune:o)),
Would you stand up and walk out on me.
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song,
And I'll try not to sing out of key (well that might be impossible for me:o)).
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm,I get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love.
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love....

<....>

Mmm I get high with a little help from my friends,
Oh, I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Ooh, I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends"

You've Got A Friend - James Taylor:

When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know where ever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend.
If the sky above you
should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.
You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter Spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.