Monday 22 October 2012

A Love Story....

I was going to try to write something meaningful, deep and detailed about the support and renewed love and caring Todd has given me through (and I hope that we are giving each other) through this experience. However, I find, as I re-read some of my posts, that the love story is peppered subtly and sometimes overtly in the entries.  I will leave it to you to piece the story together.  We should all be so lucky to have an opportunity to rebuild bridges and divides previously damaged or severed on purpose, by accident or through neglect while managing the pressures of living.  It would be more pleasant and less painful to accomplish this under less dire circumstances, however, I will take it no matter how it had to come about.  In a crazy and poetically appropriate way, I believe Todd and I are coming away with what we both have needed for some time to rekindle joy and strength to our marriage as we started out 23 years ago.  Everything feels, smells and sounds so much better now that the worst seems to be over and much better than some of the darker times prior to diagnosis. I choose to believe that we will be much better for this experience together and as individuals.

By the way, love stories do not always come in shiny new packages with pretty words, romantic dates, clear lines or have a clear being or end.  Sometimes the best love story is underneath the warts, the difficult discussions and the hurt. They write themselves over time and in hindsight.  We just need to open our heart, mind and eyes to see them as they are unfolding, even when it may be one of the most difficult things to you do.

Todd, thank you for your strength and love. Here’s to our new beginning….

October 22, 2012: My Story - The Facts and The Stats

Why did I do all this?....













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Details about Breast Cancer Stages:

Taken From:

Stages of Breast Cancer

Stage is usually expressed as a number on a scale of 0 through IV — with stage 0 describing non-invasive cancers that remain within their original location and stage IV describing invasive cancers that have spread outside the breast to other parts of the body.
Understanding Breast Cancer Stages
Your pathology report will include information about the stage of the breast cancer — that is, whether it is limited to one area in the breast, or it has spread to healthy tissues inside the breast or to other parts of the body. Your doctor will begin to determine this during surgery to remove the cancer and look at one or more of the underarm lymph nodes, which is where breast cancer tends to travel first. He or she also may order additional blood tests or imaging tests if there is reason to believe the cancer might have spread beyond the breast.
Cancer stage is based on four characteristics:
You also may see or hear certain words used to describe the stage of the breast cancer:
  • Local: The cancer is confined within the breast.
  • Regional: The lymph nodes, primarily those in the armpit, are involved.
  • Distant: The cancer is found in other parts of the body as well.
Sometimes doctors use the term “locally advanced” or “regionally advanced” to refer to large tumors that involve the breast skin, underlying chest structures, changes to the breast's shape, and lymph node enlargement that is visible or that your doctor can feel during an exam.
The stage of the breast cancer can help you and your doctor understand your prognosis (the most likely outcome of the disease) and make decisions about treatment, along with all of the other results in your pathology report. Cancer stage also gives everyone a common way to describe the breast cancer, so that the results of your treatment can be compared and understood relative to that of other people.
Your doctor may use another staging system known as TNM to describe the cancer. This system is based on the size of the tumor (T), lymph node involvement (N), and whether the cancer has spread, or metastasized, to other parts of the body (M). TNM is discussed later in this section.
Stage 0
Stage 0 is used to describe non-invasive breast cancers, such as DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ). In stage 0, there is no evidence of cancer cells or non-cancerous abnormal cells breaking out of the part of the breast in which they started, or getting through to or invading neighboring normal tissue.
Stage I
Stage I describes invasive breast cancer (cancer cells are breaking through to or invading normal surrounding breast tissue) Stage I is divided into subcategories known as IA and IB.
Stage IA describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • the tumor measures up to 2 cm AND
  • the cancer has not spread outside the breast; no lymph nodes are involved
Stage IB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • there is no tumor in the breast; instead, small groups of cancer cells – larger than 0.2 millimeter but not larger than 2 millimeters – are found in the lymph nodes, OR
  • there is a tumor in the breast that is no larger than 2 centimeters, and there are small groups of cancer cells – larger than 0.2 millimeter but not larger than 2 millimeters – in the lymph nodes.
Microscopic invasion is possible in stage I breast cancer. In microscopic invasion, the cancer cells have just started to invade the tissue outside the lining of the duct or lobule, but the invading cancer cells can't measure more than 1 mm.
Stage II
Stage II is divided into subcategories known as IIA and IIB.
Stage IIA describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • no tumor can be found in the breast, but cancer cells are found in the lymph nodes under the arm (axillary) OR
  • the tumor measures 2 cm or smaller and has spread to the axillary lymph nodes OR
  • the tumor is larger than 2 cm but not larger than 5 cm and has not spread to the axillary lymph nodes
Stage IIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • the tumor is larger than 2 cm but no larger than 5 cm and has spread to the axillary lymph nodes OR
  • the tumor is larger than 5 cm but has not spread to the axillary lymph nodes
Stage III
Stage III is divided into subcategories known as IIIA, IIIB, and IIIC.
Stage IIIA describes invasive breast cancer in which either:
  • no tumor is found, but cancer is found in axillary lymph nodes, which are clumped together or sticking to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone OR
  • the cancer is any size and has spread to axillary lymph nodes, which are clumped together or sticking to other structures
Stage IIIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • the cancer may be any size and has spread to the chest wall and/or skin of the breast AND
  • may have spread to axillary lymph nodes, which are clumped together or sticking to other structures, or cancer may have spread to lymph nodes near the breastbone
Inflammatory breast cancer is considered at least stage IIIB. Typical features of inflammatory breast cancer include:
  • reddening of a large portion of the breast skin
  • the breast feels warm and may be swollen
  • cancer cells have spread to the lymph nodes and may be found in the skin
Stage IIIC describes invasive breast cancer in which:
  • there may be no sign of cancer in the breast or, if there is a tumor, it may be any size and may have spread to the chest wall and/or the skin of the breast AND
  • the cancer has spread to lymph nodes above or below the collarbone AND
  • the cancer may have spread to axillary lymph nodes or to lymph nodes near the breastbone
Stage IV
Stage IV describes invasive breast cancer that has spread beyond the breast and nearby lymph nodes to other organs of the body, such as the lungs, distant lymph nodes, skin, bones, liver, or brain.
You may hear the words “advanced” and “metastatic” used to describe stage IV breast cancer. Cancer may be stage IV at first diagnosis or it can be a recurrence of a previous breast cancer that has spread to other parts of the body.
Learn about what treatments you can generally expect according to cancer stage in the Options by Cancer Stage section in Planning Your Treatment.
TNM staging system
TNM (Tumor, Node, Metastasis) is another staging system researchers use to provide more details about how the cancer looks and behaves. Your doctor might mention the TNM classification for your case, but he or she is much more likely to use the numerical staging system. Sometimes clinical trials require TNM information from participants, so talk to your doctor if you are considering participation in a clinical trial.
The TNM system is based on three characteristics:
  • size (T stands for tumor)
  • lymph node involvement (N stands for node)
  • whether the cancer has metastasized (M stands for metastasis), or moved beyond the breast to other parts of the body.
The T (size) category describes the original (primary) tumor:
  • TX means the tumor can't be measured or found.
  • T0 means there isn't any evidence of the primary tumor.
  • Tis means the cancer is "in situ" (the tumor has not started growing into healthy breast tissue).
  • T1, T2, T3, T4: These numbers are based on the size of the tumor and the extent to which it has grown into neighboring breast tissue. The higher the T number, the larger the tumor and/or the more it may have grown into the breast tissue.
The N (lymph node involvement) category describes whether or not the cancer has reached nearby lymph nodes:
  • NX means the nearby lymph nodes can't be measured or found.
  • N0 means nearby lymph nodes do not contain cancer.
  • N1, N2, N3: These numbers are based on the number of lymph nodes involved and how much cancer is found in them. The higher the N number, the greater the extent of the lymph node involvement.
The M (metastasis) category tells whether or not there is evidence that the cancer has traveled to other parts of the body:
  • MX means metastasis can't be measured or found.
  • M0 means there is no distant metastasis.
  • M1 means that distant metastasis is present.
Once the pathologist knows your T, N, and M characteristics, he or she can use them to assign a stage to the cancer. For example, a T1 N0 M0 breast cancer would mean that the primary breast tumor is less than 2 centimeters across (T1), has not involved the lymph nodes (N0), and has not spread to distant parts of the body (M0). This cancer would be grouped as stage I.
For more detailed information on the TNM staging system and how it relates to the numerical stage, visit the American Cancer Society’s section on breast cancer staging.

October 17, 2012: Milestone - End of Radiation

October 17, 2012: End of Radiation

My radiation experience has ended after 28 treatments that started on September 7, 2012.  In retrospect, I was more anxious about this treatment than I needed to be based on how well I tolerated radiation.  The expectation was relatively high that I would experience skin reactions including an intense sunburnt look and feeling, potential skin lesions, skin/muscle tightening and fatigue.  Remarkably, my skin seemed unscathed up until the last week or so and even at that, it was not tremendously impacted.  I also did not feel overly tired and fatigued other than the fact that my sleep continues to be interrupted due to menopausal symptoms more so than anything else.  I kept asking the Radiation Technicians (of which there were many, I only remember a few of the names, but they were ALL really pleasant and competent) if they were giving me placebo treatments based on how good it all seemed to be going.

Here is a visual of the machine that was used for CT simulation to prepare the radiation treatment and then used to administer the treatments:




The worst parts of this treatment was: the long sessions during the first week where I needed to be fitted to a mould for my arms to rest in above my head while lying down; trying not to cough while I was getting over a cold; worrying that they might radiate my heart and lungs in error (I kinda want these two babies for the rest of my life:o)); driving to Surrey (Surry Memorial Hospital) and back every working day for 28 days; finding parking in the ridiculously narrow and limited number of parking stalls; AND giving up my life for 2 or more hours every day for this treatment.

By the time the final day came, I was on cloud nine.  To commemorate the day, I gave a box of chocolates for the Radiation staff to share and as a thank you.  I gave a big hug to the two Radiation technicians that were treating me that day.  I changed out of my lovely blue patient gowns, through them into the hospital laundry bin. 






And then I walked out the door…..

The Radiation Technicians and others asked how I was going to celebrate this milestone, but really, walking out the door of the BC Cancer Agency that day and knowing I was going to be able start regaining my days and rebuilding my life was celebration enough.  I called Todd before I left the parking lot and gave him a big Whoawho in his ear because he deserved to feel the relief with me.

Here’s to my renewed life!!!

October 6, 2012: Anniversary

October 6, 2011 - Lumpectomy: coincided with the birthday of niece Jacqueline and the day after my Dad's birthday (October 5th).